Comfort Me with Offal

FROM JAMES BEARD AWARD WINNER RUTH BOURDAIN COMES THE DEFINITIVE MANUAL FOR EATING, DRINKING, AND FONDLING FOOD

Mon, 06 May 2013 10:23:53 -0400

Not since Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin’s landmark The Physiology of Taste has there been a more comprehensive guide to the world of food and wine. From food history to dining etiquette to matters of taste, this practical handbook offers the basics for navigating every aspect of gastronomy.

What they’re saying about Comfort Me with Offal:

“Fucking awesome.” - Boston Phoenix

“A very funny read.” - LA Weekly

Recent Press:

Wall Street Journal

Eater

New York Times

Buy it now:

Contact:
Ruth Bourdain: ruthbourdain@gmail.com
Media Inquiries: khilliard@amuniversal.com

10 Tips for a Great James Beard Award Acceptance Speech

Mon, 06 May 2013 10:11:29 -0400

Have you been nominated for tonight’s James Beard Foundation Awards — the greatest culinusterfuck of all time — but you don’t know what to say if you get the prize? Here are 10 last minute tips for a winning acceptance speech.

1. Make a style statement

This is a food event, so when it comes to wardrobe, expandable waistbands and feedbags never go out of style. But, you also have a chance to strut your stuff on the red carpet. Why not be like J-Lo and show off a little skin? Every year, chef Tom Colicchio wows the audience by showing off his completely naked skull. Whatever you do, don’t wear a meat dress. It’s meatless Monday.

2. Loosen up

Snort a little tangerine zest before you go on stage, or, be like James Beard and smoke an onion sandwich laced with tarragon right before the winner of your category is announced.

3. Keep it short

Don’t wear out your welcome with an overly long acceptance speech. While you might be inclined to wax about your memories in the restaurant business, most of the audience will be ravenously hungry and readying themselves for the scrum at the tasting tables following the ceremony. Keep it quick or they might rush the stage and tear you limb from limb.

4. Be funny

Jokes about Wolfgang Puck’s height, anything about Alice Waters, Mario Batali’s crocs, and gentle jabs at the “New Nordic Cuisine” are all fair game. Or, try your hand at some Jerry Seinfeld-style culinary humor: “What is the deal with chia seeds?”

5. Connect with your audience

This is a food industry audience, so feel free to intersperse your acceptance speech with restaurant-speak (“To my fellow nominees, I guess this award is officially eighty-sixed!”) or winespeak (“This award is not only a great honor, it’s ripe, jammy, and has appealing notes of dried plum, black pepper, and grilled anise. Thank you very much!”).

6. Do your research

The theme of the 2013 awards ceremony is a “Spotlight on Food & Film,” so be prepared to drop some knowledge about some of your favorite cinematic gastronomic moments. DO mention Tampopo. DON’T mention Ramen Girl.

7. It’s not all about you

While you may be honored as an individual chef, it’s important to acknowledge the work of your staff. Be as generous as you like, but don’t go so far as complimenting your waiters. That would upset the whole front-of-the-house/back-of-the-house equilibrium for years to come.

8. Be emotional

Don’t be afraid to be emotional on stage and shed a tear. If you do cry, make sure to save the tears and harvest the salt for a memorable post-awards show seasoning.

9. Don’t be nervous

If you are frightened of being on stage, try imagining that the entire audience is naked. If you are really, really nervous, imagine Mario Batali wearing pants and regular shoes.

10. Thank God

Don’t forget to leave the stage without thanking the almighty, giving praise and gratitude to our lord and personal savior, Thomas Keller.

Sexy Food Talk: Some Culinary Pickup Lines

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 17:02:00 -0500

Let’s face it: Restaurants, food shops, and markets present tremendous opportunities for the mingling of the sexes. While you’re at the butcher checking out rib eyes, a lovely young lady or a handsome young man may catch your eye. Attraction can be elusive, but if you’re prepared with an appropriate pickup line, you might just find your match. Try these epicurean lines, which pair beautifully with their gastronomic environs.

Cheese Shop
“Are you into affinage? Because I’d really like to check out your cheese cave.”

Butcher shop
“Hey, you look like you’re in serious need of some tube steak.”

Japanese Market
“Is that your friend over there? Shiso fine.”

Delicatessen
“This pastrami is hot. And so are you.”

Middle Eastern Restaurant
“Try the fattoush. It’s amazing. Well, almost as amazing as yours.”

Foraging Expedition
“If you really want to get wild, I’ve got some ramps and morels back at my apartment.”

Bagel Shop
“I’m not into everything bagels. I only want you.”

Supermarket
“Get outta my dreams. Get into my cart.”*

Pastry Shop
“The way you pronounce macaron is so wrong, I don’t want to be right.”

Cupcake Shop
“I have to tell you, you have a fantastic body, even if you have a buttercream face.”

Sushi Bar
“Miso horny.”

Chocolate Shop
“Wow. This chocolate is orgasmic. And so am I.”

Coffee Shop
“Normally, I buy whole-bean coffee, but I’d rather grind with you.”

Bar
“I like my martinis stirred, not shaken. Just like my clitoris.”

Ramen Shop
“Do you mind if I slurp your noodle?”

Fast-Food Chain
“Guess what? That’s not the only thing that’s supersized right now.”

Chinese Restaurant
“I noticed you ordered the General Tso’s Chicken, because I have a Major Hard-On for you.”

Indian Restaurant
“Oh, don’t eat that. It’s not raita. I just can’t control myself around you.”

Spanish Restaurant
“You should take your shirt off. I’m pretty sure this is a ‘topless’ restaurant, not a tapas restaurant.”

French Restaurant
“I noticed you ordered the foie gras terrine in aspic. I think we could really gel together.”

Ice Cream Shop
“Nice scoops.”

Vegan Restaurant
“Soy vey, your ass is tremendous.”

Bakery
“I can’t decide between the ficelle or the baguette.
How big do you like it?”

Farmers Market
“You’ve got some really nice melons. Are they heirloom?”

Italian Restaurant
“I like my women like I like my olive oil: extra-virgin.”

Frozen-Yogurt Shop
“May I taste your Pinkberry?”

Vietnamese Restaurant
“I don’t know what’s hotter, you or this Sriracha.”

Pizzeria
“Make that a large with pepperoni delivered to … your apartment.”

Wine Shop
“Are you into Stelvin closures? Because I totally want to screw you.”

Fish-monger
“Is that a geoduck clam in your pocket or are you happy to see me?”

Cookware Shop
Hey, I noticed you were looking at the crock pots. Think of me as a human slow cooker. I can go for hours, baby.”

Tea Shop
“I usually drink loose tea, but I’m always down for some teabagging.”

Fried-Chicken Joint
“Those breasts look delicious. And the chicken doesn’t look bad, either.”

*Apologies to R&B singer Billy Ocean.

—From Comfort Me with Offal, Ruth Bourdain’s Guide to Gastronomy, Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC

Introducing the DoucheCard

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 09:11:23 -0500

You may have heard of the ReviewerCard, but unfortunately it costs $100 to join. That’s why I’m introducing the DoucheCard, a first-of-its-kind FREE membership card for aspiring amuse douches and douchebaguettes.

Just print out this page, clip-and-save the card, and use it at your favorite eateries.

Here’s how it works:

1. Display DoucheCard at restaurant.

2. Receive looks of disgust from your waiter.

3. Enjoy complimentary pee in your food courtesy of the chef.

4. Destroy any shred of rapport with restaurant.

5. Return home in shame.

Gifts for people who like to cook, host, read, eat and drink [CNN]

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 14:42:39 -0500

CNN’s Eatocracy lists Comfort Me with Offal in its holiday gift guide:

Even if you’re not familiar with Ruth Bourdain - the unholy Twitter-borne mash-up of Ruth Reichl and Anthony Bourdain - the food freak in your life is. RuBo, as she(?) is known to fans, won the inaugural James Beard Award for humor writing, and brings ever bit of that biting wit to this send-up of modern-day food fanaticism. – Comfort Me with Offal: Ruth Bourdain’s Guide to Gastronomy ($19.99)

Top Ten 2013 Food Predictions

Wed, 12 Dec 2012 15:43:00 -0500

1. On the heels of trademarking April Bloomfield’s Spotted Pig in the UK, chef Gordon Ramsay will secure trademarks for The French Laundry, Noma, Per Se, and Babbo, and open a new flagship restaurant called Gordon Ramsay’s Momofuku Grill.

2. Out: Buttchugging. In: Earshots

3. Banana Republic will launch the world’s first “Smart Casual” restaurant, pairing flat front khakis with Chipotle-style burritos.

4. Out: Gluten-free Pizza. In: Gluten-lovers Pizza.

5. Following his sale of Wine Advocate to Asian investors, wine critic Robert Parker will launch Noodle Advocate, featuring in-depth noodle criticism, “noodle notes” (“toothsome and hedonistic, with undercurrents of egg, toasted wheat, and underbrush”) and the first 100-point noodle scale. In keeping with his penchant for high alcohol wines, Parker will display a clear bias towards drunken noodles.

6. Out: Breastaurants. In: Feeteries.

7. Retro ’80s cuisine goes big time as chefs recreate the era with tuna tartare served on coke spoons.

8. Reprising her (in)famous sexual interlude with Elvis, Gael Greene will bed Justin Bieber in a New York hotel. But, unlike Elvis, who asked Greene for a post-coital egg sandwich, Bieber will request a Lunchable.

9. Out: Grazing. In: Troughing.

10. Food will go seriously high tech in 2013, as robot belly becomes the new bacon.

Gourmet Live: Ruth Bourdain's Holiday Gift Guide

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 09:34:00 -0500

From Gourmet Live:

Twitter’s most vociferous gourmand and the author of Comfort Me with Offal offers her holiday gift ideas for those with special food needs.

Exclusive Excerpt: Offal Good: 20 Organs to Eat Before You Die

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 12:16:16 -0500

Offal, or organ meats, have become increasingly popular ingredients in contemporary gastronomy. Once considered peasant foods, these “nasty bits” have gone mainstream, prized by some of the world’s most celebrated chefs, not to mention the television series Fear Factor. But please don’t stop at pork bellies, beef cheeks, and marrow bones. There’s a whole world of nasty bits out there for your gastronomical exploration.

1. Blood vessels: Serve them just as you would pasta. Capillaries make a great substitute for angel hair, while larger arteries can replace bucatini in your favorite pasta dish.

2. Salivary glands: Mouthwateringly delicious sautéed with olive oil, garlic, and sea salt.

3. Esophagus: Stuff these with your favorite sausage.

4. Gallbladder: An acquired taste, gallbladders can be quite bitter due to bile. However, if you like broccoli rabe, you may well enjoy this organ. Be careful of gallstones, however.

5. Pancreas: Not only can you eat the pancreas, you can squeeze out the pancreatic juices over ice for a summer refresher.

6. Rectum: Treat these as you would a chile relleno, stuffed with cheese and rice.

7. Anus: Deep-fry them by the basketful and serve with aioli as you would fried calamari.

8. Hypothalamus: These secrete some really cool hormones like dopamine. Smoke them using a trachea (see below).

9. Bladder: Serve filled with lemonade.

10. Urethra: These don’t taste all that good, but they make for great straws.

11. Tonsils: These can be hard to find unless you live near a children’s hospital. Serve them with ice cream.

12. Adenoids: See Tonsils.

13. Hangnails: Grind in a mortar and pestle with olive oil, pine nuts, and cheese for a wonderful pesto (garlic is optional).

14. Spinal cords: Serve them in soup and slurp them like noodles.

15. Ovaries: Known as the “caviar of the land,” scoop out the eggs with a mother-of-pearl spoon and serve with toast and crème fraîche.

16. Nipples: Roast and salt them as you would nuts.

17. Prostate: Classic finger food.

18. Trachea: They don’t call this the windpipe for nothing. Use it to smoke a hypothalamus (see above).

19. Ligaments and tendons: Talk about toothsome; these can be a little chewy. They make great substitutes for chewing gum.

20. Larynx: Not only is the larynx — also known as the voice box — delicious braised, roasted, or steamed, it’s also a great conversation starter at parties. Literally.

—From Comfort Me with Offal, Ruth Bourdain’s Guide to Gastronomy, Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC

Where Food Meets Porn: Ruth Bourdain And 50 Shades Of Chicken Author F.L. Fowler Reveal All

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 16:06:25 -0500

Where Food Meets Porn: Ruth Bourdain And 50 Shades Of Chicken Author F.L. Fowler Reveal All:

If there’s anything that’s become a Big Thing this year, it’s the twisted combo of food and sex, immortalized in book form. The reigning Emperor/ress of Food Porn for years has been Ruth Bourdain, whose book Comfort Me With Offal quaked the loins of food lovers everywhere. But when F.L. Fowler recently published 50 Shades Of Chicken, a cookbook about a shy young chick with an undeniable, juicy appeal, we couldn’t help but wonder: What the f*** is up with the people f***ing their food?

I Have a Few More Questions for Guy Fieri

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:20:06 -0500

New York Times restaurant critic Pete Wells recently asked some questions of celebrity chef Guy Fieri in his review of Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar. I have a few of my own which remain unanswered:

You have been seen wearing sunglasses on the back of your head. Do you or do you not have an extra set of eyes?

Does Donkey Sauce come from donkey balls? And, if so, do you have a hand (no pun intended) in procuring said sauce?

Have you ever sent shirtless photos to New York Times restaurant critic Pete Wells?

Have you ever used spackle as a hair dressing product?

Would you please once and for all provide the geographic coordinates of Flavor Town?

Is it true that defaced menus from Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar were found outside the U.S. embassy in Benghazi?

Is it “kewl” to spell “cool” as “kewl”? Discuss.

Does the phrase “Minute to Win It” refer to the process of procuring donkey sauce from an aroused donkey?

Have you ever engaged in a three-way with Johnny Garlic and Tex Wasabi?

Can diners at your restaurants receive second-hand smoke from the flames on your shirts?

Have you ever sent inappropriate emails to Jill Kelley?

Exclusive Excerpt: Culinary Code: A Guide to Food Acronyms

Fri, 09 Nov 2012 14:38:00 -0500

Whether you are conversing with a friend on instant messenger while searching for recipes online, texting from your smartphone while cooking, or tweeting from your favorite restaurant, you need to know how to communicate quickly and succinctly. In-the-know, technologically-savvy gastronomes use these acronyms to convey key culinary information using the latest technology.

FMLP: Fuck my liver pâté.

G2GSR: Got to go stir risotto

IMHO: In my hot oven

FYI: For your ingredient

AP: Asparagus pee

LMAO: Laughing my All-Clad off

NSFW: Not safe for whisking

BRB: Braising ribs in Barolo

RPDOTFL: Rolling pie dough on the floor laughing

FTW: For the wok

WYWH: Wish you weren’t haggis

SVMA: Sous-vide my ass

TGIF: Thank God it’s falafel

STFO: Shut the fucking oven

WWJGVD: What would Jean-Georges Vongerichten do?

AWOL: Absent without lard

BTW: Boneless thighs and wings

BTB: Better than Batali

RAD: Really al dente

SPAM: SPAM

TTYL: Taste the yogurt later

JK: Just kale

NIMBY Not in my blender, yo!

IM: Incredible mouthfeel

IRL: In restaurant lavatories

SMH: Shaking my hazelnuts

INFL: It’s no French Laundry

SOC: So over cupcakes

TLC: Tastes like chicken

—From Comfort Me with Offal, Ruth Bourdain’s Guide to Gastronomy, Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC

Food Republic: Investigating The Faceless Voice Of The Ruth Bourdain Twitter Account

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 12:52:07 -0500

Food Republic: Investigating The Faceless Voice Of The Ruth Bourdain Twitter Account:

Take the craggy face and crude humor of Anthony Bourdain, and add the luscious mane and lyrical prose of Ruth Reichl. Out comes a queerly twisted, pork-obsessed character of Twitterspheric proportions — Ruth Bourdain.

Pete Wells, PONTIFICATE, and the "21" Club

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 11:38:00 -0400

I recently published an excerpt from my new book Comfort Me with Offal, Ruth Bourdain’s Guide to Gastronomy in which I shared PONTIFICATE, the simple mnemonic device that is used by all restaurant critics when writing reviews.

New York Times restaurant critic Pete Wells has just published a wonderful review of the venerable “21” Club. Let’s see how PONTIFICATE works in practice for this master reviewer of restaurants:

P for Peppery

Wells goes for a classic pepper reference: “…the steak tartare that wasn’t as neatly hacked up as it might have been but did hold a properly honed edge of mustard and pepper.”

O for Onomatopoeia

Though Wells does not use traditional onomatopoeia, he writes that the chicken hash sounds like a human voice: “the famous chicken hash, as creamy and agreeable as Jo Stafford’s voice.”

N for Narrative point of view

Wells plays it cool and goes for the traditional first person point of view: “I ate only four things at “21” that I’d go back for with any anticipation.”

T for Transportation

Restaurant critics are frequently “transported” geographically, but Wells goes for time travel here: “The sense of time travel in that room was intense and not always comfortable.”

I for Illegality

Wells makes a brief reference to the “21” Club’s prohibition-era past: “Too many years, I realized in March, when another reformed speakeasy in Midtown, Bill’s Gay Nineties, went out of business.”

F for Fantasy

Not only is Wells transported through time, he almost gets lost in a time portal. The editor likely deleted any “Looper” references: “I felt the urgent need to get back to my table before a portal slammed shut and I was trapped in 1952”

I for Ice-T

Going for the Times’ teen readership, Wells swaps Justin Bieber for the usual hip hop reference. Bold move: “the sommelier will blush like a sixth grader who has Justin Bieber’s autograph on her backpack.”

C for Childhood

“A sepia-toned playpen for adults, with toys on the ceiling and martinis on the checked tablecloths.”

A for Avalanches

Wells eschews the usual “avalanche” or “tsunami” of flavor for a river: “the meal sails along on a river of alcohol and high spirits.”

T for Teasing

Wells was either spanked as a child, reveals some fascinating adult fetishes, or both: “By some logic I didn’t follow, this led to a warning that if I didn’t behave, they were going to ask Halle Berry to spank me.”

E for Epiphany

Though Wells does not discover God at “21,” eating there is an occasion for serious personal reflection and regrets about his life chocies: “I regret all the songs I could have belted out around the piano at Bill’s Gay Nineties. I regret the nights I didn’t tune in to hear the huge mahogany doors on Danny Stiles’s Art Deco penthouse swing shut as Mr. Stiles bid all his radio listeners “Good night, dear hearts.” I regret the rides I didn’t take on Checker cabs while they still prowled the avenues.”

A “Best ‘Ruth Bourdain’ Mashup Costume” award will...

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 17:28:54 -0400

A “Best ‘Ruth Bourdain’ Mashup Costume” award will be given out at Brooklyn Brewery and Brooklyn Kitchen’s Gastroball costume party.

Exclusive Excerpt: "The Dish: The Language of Food"

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 10:01:00 -0400

Food is not just food. It’s a repository for the food critic’s deepest desires, subconscious dreams, secret fears, and eternal longings. The responsibility of the food critic is to tease out those hidden meanings, reflect on past relationships, and explore the very meaning of life. Even if the critic is presented with a simple bowl of macaroni and cheese, never underestimate the opportunity for gastronomic genuflection.

All critics use a simple mnemonic device for creating descriptions of dishes that goes by the easy-to-remember acronym PONTIFICATE. Each letter of the word refers to a specific facet of the dish that must be addressed in the critic’s review. Let’s take a look at how a critic might use this device to describe a dish of braised short ribs with potato and turnip puree.

P for Peppery

A description of a dish is incomplete without a reference to its essential pepperiness. This is de rigueur for all dish descriptions.

O for Onomatopoeia

Here’s where you get to make up words! Can you come up with a word that imitates the sound and feeling of eating the dish? For example, the critic might report that the short ribs arrive “bubbling and burbling” in a cast-iron pot.

N for Narrative point of view

One of the most important decisions for the critic is to choose his or her position in relation to the dish. A first-person description might go something like this: Out of the corner of my eye, I witnessed my waiter bringing me my entrée. Little did I know that I would soon be tasting the short ribs of my dreams.

On the other hand, a second-person review speaks directly to the reader: You are undeserving of this dish. Yes, you may have tasted short ribs, but nothing in your poor little existence could prepare you for the glory of this entrée. You must bow down before it.

Another option, though rarely used, is the third person point of view: He thought about ordering the roast chicken. But, if he did so, he would have made a horrible mistake. Failing to order the short ribs would represent his ultimate fall into a chasm of despair, which he might never escape.

T for Transportation

Restaurant critics are frequently “transported” by a dish: One taste of the short ribs and I was transported to a small village in Provence in the fifteenth century.

I for Illegality

DO: The short ribs are so good they should be illegal.

DON’T: When I went to the bathroom, I peeked in the kitchen and saw that the short ribs were being prepared by illegal immigrants.

F for Fantasy

The “real” world may not be enough to explain what’s on the plate. That’s where fantasy comes into play. One critic might merely mention the short ribs’ “ethereal” or “otherworldly” qualities, while another may resort to more detailed flights of fantasy: Were a forest nymph to bed an angel, the wings of its offspring would not be as light as this potato-turnip puree.

I for Ice-T

A hip-hop reference always enlivens any restaurant review: I’m a cop killer, better you than me./ Cop killer, fuck police brutality!/ Cop killer, these short ribs are undeniably unctuous.

C for Childhood

A reference to the critic’s childhood is a must: As I put my lips to my fork, the experience of nourishment and attachment was not unlike an infant suckling at his mother’s teat for the very first time.

A for Avalanches

Ever since the Japanese earthquake of 2011, it has been inappropriate for critics to write about a “tsunami of flavor.” Use “avalanche of flavor” instead.

T for Teasing

Many of the world’s best restaurant critics were teased as children. As adults, they are still haunted by their youth: Garlicky and redolent of bacon, the short ribs tease the palate without bullying.

E for Epiphany

Highlight the revelatory nature of the dish: I don’t consider myself a religious man, but after one taste of these short ribs, I was bestowed with a new understanding of my small place in the universe. If there is a God, he would give this restaurant four stars.

—From Comfort Me with Offal, Ruth Bourdain’s Guide to Gastronomy, Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC

Interview: On the Menu Radio

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 13:41:58 -0400

Interview: On the Menu Radio:

Me talk pretty one day. I talked (in a modulated voice that will give children nightmares) with On the Menu Radio about Comfort Me with Offal.

Exclusive Excerpt: "A Zest for Life"

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 14:42:22 -0400

Throughout Comfort Me with Offal, I have included some memorable stories from my own personal history in the world of food and wine. Here is an exclusive excerpt from the book in which I recount the unforgettable night I got gastrostoned with chef Mario Batali and learned the mind-bending pleasures of smoking tangerine zest for the very first time.

May 1999

NEW YORK, New York

“Have you ever smoked mozzarella?” Mario asked, eyes twinkling as he cocked his head to the side.

“Never,” I told him. I’d eaten smoked mozzarella, but never made it myself.

“Well, then, you’ve got to try it,” he declared. “Come in the kitchen.”

So, I followed Mario over from the dining room to Babbo’s kitchen and into the walk-in, where he pulled out a tray full of beautiful white, glistening braids of mozzarella. He grabbed two of them and a paring knife, and I followed him back into the dining room.

“Now what?” I asked him, as he pulled out a massive bong.

“Now we smoke,” he said.

“You can’t be serious,” I replied. “I thought you meant we were going to smoke the mozzarella, not ‘smoke the mozzarella.’ ”

“Come on, Ruth,” he balked. “You’re telling me you’ve never been gastrostoned?!”

“Well, I’ve never smoked mozzarella.”

“Well, then. Let’s do this!”

Mario cut some slices of mozzarella, packed them into the chamber, added some Italian sparkling water, and lit the bong with a flaming branch of rosemary. He inhaled deeply, held his breath, and then passed the bong to me. As he closed his eyes in a lactic stupor, I took a deep hit.

I had never been stoned on mozzarella before, but it was incredible. The flavor was milky, barely tangy, with a hint of rosemary. But, the high was even better. I closed my eyes and had the most vivid culinary hallucination of Jacques Pépin folded inside a giant omelet.

I couldn’t believe the sensation. When I opened my eyes, Mario slowly nodded his head, as if to say, “Isn’t this the shit?”

It was.

“Now you’re ready for the big leagues, my friend,” said Mario, as he grabbed a bunch of tangerines and started juggling them. “Hand me that Microplane.”

I gave him the Microplane, and he zested the tangerine rind into a small bowl, being careful not to remove any of the white pith. “You don’t want the pith,” he explained. “Too harsh.”

Then, he pulled off one of his trademark orange Crocs and gave it to me. “Take a whiff,” he said.

Oh, Jesus, I thought to myself. But I went ahead and raised the clog to my nose. It was a heady, intoxicating blend of cured meats, basil, bottarga, and toe jam. “Hey, give it back!” he yelled. “Don’t hog it, dudette! You’re worse than Gwyneth.”

I handed the clog back to Mario. He buried his nose in it and snorted, then coughed up a chunk of Parmigiano and put the clog down on his lap. “Oops. Sorry about that. Intense stuff!”

He proceeded to pour the zest into the clog, tamp it down with his fat thumbs, and light it with another burning rosemary branch. He showed me how to press my lips up against the holes in the Crocs and inhale. “That’s why they have holes,” he explained.

At first, everything went dark, and I felt very heavy all of a sudden. Then, the tangerine zest high washed over me like a giant wave. I closed my eyes and experienced hallucinations of nude chefs chopping giant shallots, pigs (real ones!) in blankets, a baby swaddled in pancetta, and a giant field studded with lobster legs. It was powerful, frightening, gastronomic, and totally fantastic. It was stronger than cocaine and more hallucinogenic than LSD. I was gone.

And I was hopelessly hooked.

—From Comfort Me with Offal, Ruth Bourdain’s Guide to Gastronomy, Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC

Food52: 5 Questions with Ruth Bourdain + Giveaway!

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 17:12:33 -0400

Food52: 5 Questions with Ruth Bourdain + Giveaway!

Press Democrat: "Wave of Cookbooks for Autumn"

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 09:32:00 -0400

Press Democrat: "Wave of Cookbooks for Autumn":

“Some of the best of the 2012 season,” including Comfort Me with Offal.

"And it’s not only chefs. Ruth Bourdain skewers critics, consumers, and restaurant staff. You’ll see..."

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 18:21:41 -0400

“And it’s not only chefs. Ruth Bourdain skewers critics, consumers, and restaurant staff. You’ll see yourself somewhere in this book. Maybe you’re a Carniwhore, a fan of sexy butchers—BILFs. Perhaps you know a Dining Digerati who won’t eat without blogging. I fear I may be a burgeoning Yeasthead, searching after the perfect artisan loaf. And wherever you sit, according to Ruth Bourdain, it’s open season on sommeliers, after all, everyone feels inferior to the sommelier.”

- Appetite for Books